Here is the third part in my series "Fifty Shades of Facebook". If you've been living under a rock and missed parts 1 and 2, then click here . And then you can catch up here! But seriously, you can read them in any order, kind of like the actual 50 Shades books. Only the positions have changed.
Because we ended on #28 last time, here we go:
(Numbers 34-37 are credited to a loyal fan and friend, Rich Spinella!)
29. The Jimmy Swaggart: They are constantly quoting scripture or posting something wonderful that happened to them today, finishing it off with "God is sooo good!" (Like he's not good if something bad happened today? Just curious .....)
30. The Barry Manilow: They only post song lyrics.
31. The Scrapbooker: She posts Every. Single. Fart. Her kids do. Her positive pregnancy stick is her profile picture for 9 months straight. Until the placenta takes its place on the blessed day.
32. Wendy Whiner: She has virtually NOTHING to complain about and lives like a queen, but that's all she does. The world revolves around her.
33. Wendy Wino: You're not really sure what this girl looks like because she only posts pics of full (or empty wine glasses). The glasses are either resting on a deck ledge, a baby changing table, or the dashboard of her car. The male version of this is The Jimmy Buffet. It's always five o'clock somewhere in his world.
34. Poster Child: It goes something like this: "If you know someone who knows someone who might NOT know someone, then PLEASE repost this or you are clearly not that person's friend's friend. Let's see who really reads the post's posts!"
35. The User Manual - This person tells you how to use Facebook. "If you don't want people to see your post click the x in the right corner. Hit the icon that had the devil on it, turn three times with your hands in the air saying "Corn, Maize, Corn, Maize" now people can't see what you posted. Oh wait that's to make it rain on your imaginary Farm."
36. The Sandman: "Going to bed now", and you're saying to yourself, "It's 8 o'clock, I just got home from work!"
37. The Rooster: "Good morning sunshines!" And she posts a picture of her coffee cup to make you feel like you're having a cup together.
38. The Paparazzi: They take pics of people in public doing suspect things like picking wedgies, eating hot dogs with their mouths wide open, or buying a David Hasselhoff CD.
39. The Happy Housewife: "Dear Hoover, you make me wanna be a better cleaner!"
40. The Unhappy Housewife; "How the f*ck does this thing turn on?"
41. The Licensed Joyologist: They find happiness in just about anything. "I just love how bananas come in their own special, portable package!"
In the home stretch. Will I make it to 50 Shades? Stay tuned!