Saturday, February 16, 2013

I've Come a Long Way Baby

So, my kids like to draw pictures of their mother.
Here I am, in their eyes. I am calling this, the Evolution of Woman.

The 9 year old's version

I start out with big lips, big head, short skirt. I am holding a frying pan and, as usual,
 I am in the kitchen, or as I like to call it, my cubicle.
 The 5 year old's version 
I have a penis and my own broccoli tree.

Kid's a genius.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Some people hate Valentine's Day. They might feel left out of all the romance and hoopla if they don't technically have someone special in their lives. I'm here to make you feel better about this holiday, no matter what your situation might be.

First of all, Valentine's Day is stereotypically a money making day. The restaurants and florists completely over charge you. Men are guilted into buying expensive jewelry for the women in their lives and kids are just happy to get more candy. If you've taken a walk down the Valentine's aisle in any store you will realize that V-Day is the new Halloween. There is no shortage of crappy, overpriced toys.  Who doesn't love a metal lip shaped tin filled with 3 Palmer  chocolates?  And nothing screams LOVE more than a Star Wars Pez dispenser!

What does Cupid think of all this? I dunno. I personally ignore all the reasons NOT to like Valentine's Day and try to love it for what it's really about. LOVE.

Let's be honest here. We all have SOME form of love in our lives. It doesn't have to be in the traditional, romantic sense. Love is everywhere and I think the world needs more of it so celebrate today, please. Whether it is the love of your children, pets, your friends and family, co-workers, the nice girl at the bakery who gives you an extra brownie, or the love of a nurse helping you today. Bring it on! Show them some love and gratitude for all they do for you.

Chocolate, Love, Gratitude. Every day should be V-Day, right?

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

A Very BootyLicious Superbowl

I'm writing this while the Superbowl people are waiting for the lights to come back on. For those of you who don't know me, I don't give 2 farts about football, but I make it a point to watch the National Anthem and the half time show.  Unfortunately, I had the wrong channel on and completely missed the anthem because I was busy cutting up strawberries that were going bad and I hate wasting fruit.

Let's cut to the half-time show. My 9 year old and I were playing Scrabble on the Nook. Then it started. Just as I expected, half naked Beyonce with her gal pals.  Now,  being a woman, I don't really know if my opinion counts for anything, but I am truly sick of watching women doing strip teases on national television. If you are going to be half naked, then you should be in a "Gentlemen's Club" where there are anything but gentlemen.

I know that some people think that scantily clad girls singing and dancing in stilettos qualifies as "entertainment", and this has been going on for years. I guess I can blame  Madonna for starting it, Brittany for copying it, and the rest of them for perpetuating it. Maybe I'm too old for this sh*t, but I think that a half time show should have a broad appeal and be somewhat family friendly. If I could pick the performer? Probably a combination of Michael Buble, The Who, Tim and Faith and Toby Keith.  And if John Denver was alive....

My question to Beyonce is, WHY? She is a mother of a baby girl (a future impressionable young child/tween/woman). Clearly, she can sing and dance so why does she have to keep performing like there is a pole up there? Can't anyone rely on their true talent? I know it seems I am singling her out and I'm sorry for that. She is just one of so many female performers who bring down the rest of their sisterhood every time they bump and grind on stage.

I know her performance might seem tame to some of you, but have you sat with young children while watching a show like this one? Do you know how many wacky words I was trying to come up with on the Nook so that my son wouldn't watch her "performance"? TENZ and GROK were part of my misfires and kept the boy distracted.

The strange thing is, he never commented on her attire. Do boys think this is normal? He sees how his mother dresses at home, so clearly he must be thinking something. But I didn't want to bring up the elephant in the room and just let it go. I know it's part of our culture but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it or like it. It also means that I don't have to accept it.  Perhaps I should have blindfolded him and sent him to bed. If it's not one thing, it's another though. The Victoria Secret commercials are even worse.  And how do these women feel being on display so very naked?

The whole notion that "sex sells" bothers me, especially as a woman and a mother. When these behaviors are just normal to everyone, then we have a real problem.  I do think that so many have become desensitized to the point that they just roll their eyes during these performances.

And for the record, I am not a prude.

After reading all the Tweets and Facebook posts about the halftime show, I get the sense that men are like, "Whatever. Just put the game back on."  You got it dude. The lights are back on, Beyonce is gone and this mother is going to bed.