Sunday, February 19, 2012

On the 3rd Day, God Created Sugar

I'm so sorry you have to read another blog about sugar.

If you have fully invested in this blog (poor you!) then you are aware that I have a full blown addiction to sugar. I give it up on occasion and feel on top of the world and then I taste something sweet and it's all over again. I start feeling lousy and bad about myself. Lucky for me, I have a wonderful friend like Aileen who reminds me that sugar was used in Medieval times to help people take medicine. Its addictive properties were compared to cocaine (I think she said this during our breakfast the other day but I cannot be too sure as I was suffering from the Delirium Tremors. Again.)

Anyway, I decided that after a rough Valentine's week, I would once again take a vacay from the sweets. I also felt like I couldn't eat meat anymore and now I am off food that once had a mother.

I made it through 3 days, and on the 3rd day there was church. Thankfully, my husband forced us all to go because I had a lot of praying to do.

As I knelt down, it went something like this:

"Please God, give me the strength to give up sweets. Please, help me get through this day where I will be preparing a "Tickle Your Funny Bone" chocolate pudding filled cake, loaded with Reeses peanut butter cups and fresh whipped cream for Carissa's 21st bday. Please let me not succumb to licking the bowl, the spatulas, the cut up candy. And if you can God, please help me at the next bday party for Corinna where I know there will be more cake and sugar mocking me next to the bowl of fruit.

Please God. Give. Me. Strength."

And then I thought, God must be so freakin tired of people saying "Give me this, or Give me that". Who wants to win the Powerball, who wants skinnier thighs, who wishes their neighbors would move. God has a LOT on his plate. Does he really need to focus on a Sugar Addict?

So, I changed my prayer to this, "Please God, help me find the strength within to overcome my addiction" so he wouldn't feel so much pressure. (I know you think this is silly, but you know the people in AA pray to God and taking One Day at a Time is really the only thing I have to cling to right now. )

I said my prayer and felt like I was on the right path. I would find my own strength. I would dig deep within and take responsibility. No blaming God for this one.

And then suddenly, I got a whiff of the girl next to me. She smelled like maple syrup and breakfast sausage.

I wanted to lick her jacket.

Dear God, is this some kind of joke?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

JC Penney, Ellen, & One Million Real Muthas

Every so often I get so pissed off that I need to write a blog. Today is one of those days. I am actually not feeling very well right now but I cannot rest as my heart is racing too fast. Hopefully, blogging will help!

In case you haven't heard, there is a group called "One Million Moms" who is out there promoting Christian values and trying to keep sex, violence and profanity out of your television. It all sounds OK on the surface but don't be fooled. (I will not provide a link to their site as I am sure you are well-versed in the language of Google!) OMM's recent bandwagon is to force JC Penney to fire the beloved Ellen Degeneres as its new spokesperson and I quote from their poorly written website:

"Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of its customers are traditional families. As consumers, what we find tragic is a corporate office and customer service department that not only transfers customers to voicemail, but even hangs up on them rather than verses hearing their concerns. Degeneres is not a true representation of the type of families who shop at the retailer."

Just when I thought we'd come so far, here comes a group of "Mothers" who, under the guise of protecting their children, are now bullying and promoting intolerance and hate. How ironic! I know the Bible isn't very big on homosexuality and you can interpret it the way you want. I am not here to give anyone a lesson on religion but I know there are a large number of people who believe that being gay is a sin, a defect, and immoral. Many think that gay people are not really born that way and that they "choose to be gay." Seriously? Considering how hard it is to be gay in this country, do you honestly think someone would choose this? What would Jesus think of OMM's behavior towards the entire gay population?

Let's face it must know someone who is gay. You probably have a gay sister, brother, mother, father, uncle, aunt, or your BFF is gay. It's OK! We all do (wink wink!).

It's really funny that OMM thinks that mostly "traditional families" shop at JCP. Don't they know that the traditional family is a dying breed? Personally, I'd love to see more people get married (read, be allowed to marry), and have their own families. In a world where we see less people getting married and more people shacking up and having more babies out of wedlock, it would be nice for those who aren't allowed to get married to create their own traditional family, whether it's 2 mommies or 2 daddies. Equality, I think it's called? And the Pursuit of Happiness; we all deserve that.

To say that Ellen Degeneres should be dethroned from her new position is so preposterous and hateful. Go find another cause, like the Febreze ads you protested because they used the words, "Oh My God" (If you don't believe me, check out their website.), or getting 7 Eleven to stop selling Playboy (Really?).

Ellen, you are a class act. You deserve as much happiness as you have brought to millions of people. Click here to see her response to OMM.

And to the One Million Moms, I am going to play with my Barbie Loves Barbie dolls.