Friday, March 5, 2010

An Open Letter to the CEO of Kellogg's

Dear Mr. Kellogg,

I have been a loyal customer of yours for over 40 years. You've had some hits and misses along the way. Cocoa Pebbles; yes. All Bran; not so much.

I must say, I bought your Kellogg's® Frosted Chocolate Mini-Wheats® with a little trepidation. A product touting high fiber and low sugar grams wrapped in a chocolate shredded wheat biscuit sounded explosively healthy. But once I started eating these delightful bits I couldn't stop, which is why I am writing this letter.

I have a problem with the Mini-Wheats (MWs).

I couldn't quite put my finger on why I was so addicted to them. The little bits of chocolate inside kept pulling my hands back into the box for more. And then, after single-handedly consuming an entire box, I realized why I couldn't stop eating one after the other. To prove my unspoken theory right, I decided to conduct a scientific study of your product.

The study involved:

My mouth
My hands
My kitchen counter
The Chocolate Mini-Wheats®
Paper and pen

I placed 10 mini-wheats on the counter. For every one I ate, I marked off on a tick sheet which pieces had the little semi-sweet chocolate in them. It turned out that not EVERY single Mini-wheat had this lovely little bit of chocolate in it. In fact, one out of every 5 pieces eaten had the chocolate inside.

I thought I was a little crazy for thinking that your company would create such a manipulative cereal so I phoned a friend for cereal guidance. This friend (who I will only refer to as "Lena C") strangely had the EXACT same experience (minus the kitchen counter study). She too, became addicted for the same reasons and was enticed by the thought that the "next" piece would have the chocolate in it, only to be disappointed to bite into just shredded wheat. Blah!

We are on to you, Mr. Kellogg! And we've been suffering the consequences of your "Keeps 'em full, Keeps 'em focused" motto. And that is why we are both enclosing our bills to Roto Rooter for reimbursement for damages, pain and suffering to our families.

Really, is it too much to ask for the chocolate bit to be in EVERY MW?

Becky and Lena C.


Ginny said...

OMG, I can't stop laughing!!! Reminds me of the time when Mike C. returned to the Donut Shoppe because the Jelly Donut had hardly any jelly in it.
Kellogg better shape up. Who do they think they're fooling!!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG! I am dying over here!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical! Love it!

Anonymous said...

It is the same concept as a casino...sometimes you win and sometimes you don't. You think the next one will be the big hit. There should be a Kellogg's Hotel and Casino in Vegas!!
-Lynn McGowan

Kelly @ Hot Cookin' said...

Hilarious! Now you've made me want to purchase that cereal so I can go through the same experience! :)