Monday, February 21, 2011

Teen Mom vs. Peri-Meno-Mom

Over the weekend, I actually had about an hour to myself. One kid napping, the other at a friend's house. I could have exercised, slept, baked, or phoned a friend. What did I do instead, you ask? I turned on MTV and watched Teen Mom 2

If you are unfamiliar with this show, it's about real life teen moms who are trying to make it work. Most of the girls are living with their parents, or their baby daddy's parents. Some are still in high school, trying to graduate. One is losing custody of her son to her own mother. Another is petrified that one of her twin girls is not developing properly. Her story was heartbreaking to watch. Damn you MTV! I just wanted a little mindless TV and you give me this?

I am not here to judge the Teen Moms or make a big political statement about birth control or abstinence. Although I do think God has a strange sense of humor when he passes out babies to certain people; not the teen moms, per se. Just in general. I do applaud them for trying their best and I'm rooting for all of them.

But I do have a few issues with the Teen Moms that make me wonder who has the leg up: The Teen Mom or the Peri Menopausal Mom? Since I am one of the "Advanced Maternal Aged" mothers, I thought I'd offer a little perspective on who might have it easier. Or not.

The Teen Mom

1. She has better highlights than me.

2. She has a nicer vehicle than me.

3. She has prettier finger nails than me.

4. She gets a lot of Girlfriend time.

5. She has mastered the art of holding a baby like it's a sack of spuds on her hip. All the moms flop their little tater tots around in the same way, like they all took the same Small Fry class, perhaps?

6. She has lost all her baby weight before leaving the hospital.

7. She doesn't care about hurting her "in-laws'" feelings.

8. It's OK to change baby's diaper on the floor of a public rest room and say "Eww, sorry baby, this is gross", minimizing the 'ick' factor of the experience.

9. You can live with your baby daddy and his parents while simultaneously announcing you are "In a relationship" with someone else on Facebook. But then you get grounded for it which really sucks.

10. The teen mom will be a grandma by the age of 32 and a great grandma by age 48 (if history repeats). The plus side here is that she will be young enough to baby sit all the babies her babies are having. Down side? She will be spending her life baby sitting her baby's baby's baby's babies til she dies.

The Peri-Meno-Momma

1. She has a higher FICO score.

2. She doesn't need to have her Mommy cosign for a cell phone.

3. Her vehicle is paid for.

4. She's old enough to drink.

5. And vote

6. And have a gym membership she doesn't use.

7. All her friends throw lavish baby showers, thus eliminating the need to buy anything for baby until he's two.

8. She can afford a Spanx to conceal the baby weight she hasn't lost yet.

9. She has lower auto insurance rates.

10. Her grandchildren will have to wheel her around and change her diapers

11. And although she was nominated for a Saggy Award, she really doesn't care because her spouse can no longer see very well and those things really aren't that important to him. Well, that's what he says, anyway.

Who do you think has it easier or better? Do share your thoughts below!

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