Stars get gassy too, you know

I'm glad the Oscars are over. And the SAGs. And the Golden Globes. How many more awards shows do we need to stroke some already big egos? Why aren't there more awards shows for doctors, teachers, military members, scientists, chocolatiers, and MOTHERS? I guess that might be another blog?

Over time, the Red Carpet has evolved into more of a catwalk (or rather Catty Walk!). I am amazed at how much Monday morning quarterquacking we do in the following days and months when there are so many other news stories to report. Soldiers dying, jobs lost, mudslides, and mayhem. Yet, Sandra Bullock's hemline is the opening story.

Don't get me wrong. I love going to the movies. I love the escape of it all; two glorious hours of uninterrupted time to myself. I love to just sit and be entertained by someone who doesn't always have Thomas the Train undies on his head.

And I do watch all of these awards shows. I just can't help it. Even if I don't know who's nominated, I am compelled to watch The Red Carpet. Since I am fashionistically impaired, I like to see what the latest trends are... should I someday win the futuristic BOTY (Blogger of the Year) Award, I want to be sure that I don't make the Worst Dressed List, or even worse, the "B*tch Stole My Look" list. Nothing screams desperation more than wearing the same meat dress as Lady Gaga.

I'm always flummoxed by the depth of criticism cast by our media. Whether it's Al Roker, Joan Rivers (who is always right), Kelly Osbourne (how did SHE become a fashion critic?) or Perez Hilton (gag me). We are so very hard on our stars if they don't accessorize with just the right necklace, shoes, barrette, lipstick, or nipple ring.

We say things about Nicole Kidman's Golden Globe attire:

"I was very underwhelmed by her dress".

Really? Because I think the girl could throw a burlap sack over her body and look gorgeous. And her Oscar dress is already getting lousy reviews. During her red carpet interview last night she referred to her dress as "Comfortable. It doesn't look it, but it is!" she cheered. Was she overcompensating for a dress that was already getting tepid reviews? Poor thing. Can't a girl dress for comfort without being publicly humiliated? It's not like she was wearing a tutu, for heaven's sake!

Each year we set the bar higher and higher and hyper-scrutinize the stars who are really just people like you and me, only with airbrushing, better highlights, and donated jewels. Yes, it's hard to believe but they, too, use a toilet, get strange rashes, have hammer toes, and have occasional gas.

So when you are watching the next Red Carpet event, keep that in mind and maybe we all won't be so hard on their fashion choices.

Tutus and Fuzzy Boots

I am not sure when I got so ornery about Tutus and Fuzzy Boots. My Facebook status updates are evidence enough that they are definitely thorns in my side. I am hoping that if I write about them, I will not feel so negatively about them. After all,they are just inanimate objects, so why doth I protest so much?

And there are some perfectly nice people wearing them. I guess it's just one of my "things".

I am going to offend someone here who either:

1. Has a cute little girl who wears a tutu every day of her life, whether the child is submitting to forcible tutu wearing or simply insists on donning her tutu for all occasions.

2. Is a grown woman, child or infant who is wearing the UGGs, or some variation of the Fuzzy Boots.

So, you can hate me all you want. I get it. You have a right to wear or dress your child in whatever you want. Just like I have the right to wear my orange puffy coat with pink mittens in public. It really is all the same. So, I know I shouldn't judge and obsess, but I do. And here is why.

Tutus are in essence, a ballerina's uniform. They are technically not clothing for everyday. Would you dress a child in a lab coat, police uniform, or chef's hat every single day? No, that would be like Halloween or "Take your son to work" day apparel. Now, if the kid wants to play dress up or is in a phase where s/he will not go out unless s/he can wear the tutu, then I get it. We do have to pick our battles.

But to enforce tutus as everyday garb is just wrong.

Putting a tutu on a newborn baby with stockings underneath. Wrong.

Wearing a tutu to Mystic Aquarium in 33 degree weather. Wrong.

Middle schoolers in tutus and purple tights. Wrong.

Grown up women shopping in Walmart, Target, or having fun at the Gymboree with a tot? Wrong.

Are you with me now?

I guess I'm really so over the Madonna phase and it just brings back memories of the mesh tops and tutus. Just a bad fashion era. Period. Little girls are being socialized into these princesses so early on...when does it end? Only one can marry Prince William and I don't see her rockin' a tutu in the palace.

Perhaps I just don't get the fashion of today. I have 2 boys and don't run into these fashion dilemmas. In fact, the boys clothes are sorely lacking in variety. Is it possible I have Tutu Envy? Does this deep seated dislike stem from the fact that I never took dance lessons?

Now, onto the Fuzzy Boots or FBs. I might almost be "over" these. I think my disdain is really about women of, how shall I say it....a certain age, who should not be wearing them. Especially with pajama pants in public. Not like at the bus stop, but out to lunch, shopping, etc. Or seniors who are trying to look like they are part of the GenFB. Wrong. I think the young kids, under 22 can pull off this look and some older women too, if they wear the right pants with them.

But if you pair it up with a tutu, then I may have a full blown seizure.

The FBs do look nice and warm and cozy so you'd think I'd like them. I am all about comfort and warmth. But yesterday I saw a girl wearing a pair and I swear it looked like a Lhasa Apso on each leg with the fur cascading down her calves. I almost threw her (them) a Snausage.

So, the traditional FBs I think I'm OK with. But the ones who bark and go fetch....not so much.

As far as tutus go, I'm on the hunt for one in my size and hope to conduct a social experiment to see if I can rid myself of my Toxic Tutu Tantrums by wearing one in public to see what all the fuss is about.

There, I said it all. Love me or leave me.

Life's Not the Breath You Take....

"But life's not the breath you take, the breathing in and out.

That gets you through the day, ain't what it's all about.

You just might miss the point trying to win the race.

Life's not the breaths you take

but the moments that take your breath away"

These are some lyrics from George Strait's latest song "The Breath You Take". I only needed to hear it one time and I was sobbing. George has an amazing ability to drive home a message in the simplest way while hitting you in the gut.

The song made me think really hard about my own life and which moments have taken my breath away. It also made me stop and realize that my day to day life is filled with so many of these moments. I only need to take a second to step away from the mundane activities to see the beauty all around me.

What moments have taken your breath away?

Below are some of mine. Some of the breaths were full blown gasps, while others were subtle whispers of air. Others....somewhere in between. And I make no apologies for the level of corniness you are about to read.

1. The births of both my children

2. Hitting a double when I was a 10 year old perpetual strike out.

3. Watching footage of children reunited with a military mom or dad.

4. The night my husband proposed. Shocked the knickers off me after duping me into carving an entire pumpkin for his school project, then hiding the ring inside.

5. Then the ear to ear Jack O Lantern smile from my dad after we told him.

6. Hearing Corinna Calise sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on my answering machine.

7. Watching my kids cuddle up together

8. Having all my brother's kids reunited with our family for a photo shoot. Seeing the boys (who are now men) still acting like goof balls, made my heart smile big.

9. On my wedding day, when the photographer first said, "Turn your head toward your husband". Pure butterflies!

10. Watching my son present the baby Jesus during Christmas Eve mass.

11. Winning a spelling bee in the 5Th grade.

12. Any Christmas morning

13. Watching the utter shock on my husband's face when I told him I was pregnant with our second miracle baby.

14. The surprising pangs I feel watching my 2ND grader walking into school on any given day.

15. Discovering IKEA for the first time. Sort of like being in Disney, Bed & Bath, and OZ at the same time. Magical!

16. A chocolate cream pie from Zaccagnini's Bakery for my birthday. (B-day is in March, in case you need to plan ahead)

I'd love to hear about what takes your breath away. I have many more to share too, but I'm going to run out of oxygen if I keep writing! Just wanted to get the convo started.....

Teen Mom vs. Peri-Meno-Mom

Over the weekend, I actually had about an hour to myself. One kid napping, the other at a friend's house. I could have exercised, slept, baked, or phoned a friend. What did I do instead, you ask? I turned on MTV and watched Teen Mom 2

If you are unfamiliar with this show, it's about real life teen moms who are trying to make it work. Most of the girls are living with their parents, or their baby daddy's parents. Some are still in high school, trying to graduate. One is losing custody of her son to her own mother. Another is petrified that one of her twin girls is not developing properly. Her story was heartbreaking to watch. Damn you MTV! I just wanted a little mindless TV and you give me this?

I am not here to judge the Teen Moms or make a big political statement about birth control or abstinence. Although I do think God has a strange sense of humor when he passes out babies to certain people; not the teen moms, per se. Just in general. I do applaud them for trying their best and I'm rooting for all of them.

But I do have a few issues with the Teen Moms that make me wonder who has the leg up: The Teen Mom or the Peri Menopausal Mom? Since I am one of the "Advanced Maternal Aged" mothers, I thought I'd offer a little perspective on who might have it easier. Or not.

The Teen Mom

1. She has better highlights than me.

2. She has a nicer vehicle than me.

3. She has prettier finger nails than me.

4. She gets a lot of Girlfriend time.

5. She has mastered the art of holding a baby like it's a sack of spuds on her hip. All the moms flop their little tater tots around in the same way, like they all took the same Small Fry class, perhaps?

6. She has lost all her baby weight before leaving the hospital.

7. She doesn't care about hurting her "in-laws'" feelings.

8. It's OK to change baby's diaper on the floor of a public rest room and say "Eww, sorry baby, this is gross", minimizing the 'ick' factor of the experience.

9. You can live with your baby daddy and his parents while simultaneously announcing you are "In a relationship" with someone else on Facebook. But then you get grounded for it which really sucks.

10. The teen mom will be a grandma by the age of 32 and a great grandma by age 48 (if history repeats). The plus side here is that she will be young enough to baby sit all the babies her babies are having. Down side? She will be spending her life baby sitting her baby's baby's baby's babies til she dies.

The Peri-Meno-Momma

1. She has a higher FICO score.

2. She doesn't need to have her Mommy cosign for a cell phone.

3. Her vehicle is paid for.

4. She's old enough to drink.

5. And vote

6. And have a gym membership she doesn't use.

7. All her friends throw lavish baby showers, thus eliminating the need to buy anything for baby until he's two.

8. She can afford a Spanx to conceal the baby weight she hasn't lost yet.

9. She has lower auto insurance rates.

10. Her grandchildren will have to wheel her around and change her diapers

11. And although she was nominated for a Saggy Award, she really doesn't care because her spouse can no longer see very well and those things really aren't that important to him. Well, that's what he says, anyway.


Who do you think has it easier or better? Do share your thoughts below!