Have you ever had one of those "A-Ha!" moments? One of those spiritual awakenings that happens behind closed doors, standing-in-your-birthday-suit kind of moments? I had one last year and trust me, it wasn't pretty.
I had a 6 year old and a 20 month old. I'd like to blame my kids for why my Big Girl Underwear (BGU) was getting harder to yank over my hips but do I really want them to grow up with that complex?. (P.S. BGU was worn during pregnancy as I refused to buy maternity ones). After each baby was born, I was able to drop the weight. But once they reached toddlerhood (hence, all the fun, cheesy, carb-filled finger foods emerging simultaneously) the lbs would slowly creep back up like a bad wedgie (are there any good wedgies?). While Baby Nicolas was hitting all his milestones, I was going through my own growth spurt. I used any excuse to eat something sweet. I picked, I baked, I picked some more. I eagerly pot-lucked the best comfort food with my neighbors who praised my cooking way too much, thus encouraging my habit.
I had no idea how much and how often I was eating. I later realized, I was Mindlessly Eating and I was busting out of the BGUs, even though my prego days were a distant memory. How the BGUs lasted through 2 pregnancies and their aftermaths, you ask? They were Victoria's Secrets...you just cannot kill their underwear, trust me!
I was teetering over the edge of a size twelve and flirting with a fourteen. Did Thrifty and Nifty Girl want to spend money on a new wardrobe, or did she want to acknowledge the elephant in the room? OK, I was not as big as an elephant, mind you, and most would say I looked "just fine". But you know when it's time to do something...especially when you feel like a sausage coming out of its casing. You just know your body, right? And truly, I knew I was heading down the wrong path.
I had just turned 41 (and thank you Prevention magazine for calling this Middle Aged). I was becoming more conscious of my future health and how I wanted to live my life. I was one of the "advanced maternal age" mothers and knew I was going to need a lot of energy for this Marathon called Motherhood. I had been feeling so tired and depleted and I struggled to get through the days. I rarely exercised, and when I did, I would eat more thinking it was OK. I made every excuse you can imagine: "I am too tired to exercise, I won't give up all the food I love, I don't have time to focus on me". Blah. Blah. Blah.
Part of my BGU Epiphany was about putting myself in a place that mattered. (Warning: Becky's Bytes getting sappy now). You see, I foolishly thought that if I exercised and took care of myself, my family would suffer, miss me, not function, blow up, etc. I thought that by putting myself FIRST, then they would collapse into last place. Then I thought, why does anyone have to be last? Can't we all be first? Aren't we all equally important in this family? Lucky for me, the answer was a resounding YES. Yipppeeee, my self-esteem wasn't as low as I thought it was! I finally realized that being the martyr and making excuses was not how I wanted to continue living. I would find a way to MAKE IT WORK. I needed to pull a Dr. Phil and Get Real with ma-self and fast! And one of the many voices in my head kept saying, "If Mamma's not happy, nobody's happy"...just ask any mother who has a little alone time, even if it's in the bathroom stall at Target without her kids.
I promise to write more in upcoming posts about the steps I took to become a better, healthier version of myself. Do you have a similar BGU Epiphany you'd like to share? I'd love to hear about it!