Friday, November 5, 2010

Diary of a Sugar Baby

Any form of dessert has always been one of the most pleasant parts of my day, but now, I am starting to hate it. After this week's events and non-stop consumption, I can honestly say that I think the sugar has taken its Toll House on me. There was Halloween on Sunday, my husband's birthday the next day, a funeral and the family gathering the day after that. Toss in a bucket of candy glaring at me all week, and a "Ladies Days Situation" into the mix and there you have it, the Sugar Depression has hit.

Sound crazy? Well, it's true. If you eat enough of it, you will eventually get depressed. And the more you eat it, the more you need it and crave it. The converse is also true. Once you give it up (gasp), you don't miss it. But who can actually give it up? I think about going cold turkey all the time and then I feel too weak.

Sadly, there are Crack Babies, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome babies, and babies who end up with asthma from pregnant smoking moms.

And then there are the forgotten Sugar Babies.

History of a Sugar Baby

Born from a mother (called a Sugar Mama) who, as a youngster, got fired from a bakery for eating too much pastry. The same Sugar Mama who gorged on a Nutrageous bar in front of her starving prego daughter who was hooked up to an i.v for 5 hours waiting for her C-section to happen.

Sugar Mama is still going strong at 75 and is known for eating cookies in bed at 3am (we also call her "Frat Girl".) Sugar Mama never met a cream puff she didn't like and has been found passed out with powdered sugar on her mouth after eating too many Wandies. Surprisingly, she is not obese. Sugar Mama always gave her kids ice cream, jello, cookies, you name it. (She did cook healthy meals too, but this really isn't about that... for once.)

To make her Sugar Mama proud, the Sugar Baby eats some form of sweets every day. If available, she will eat cookies before (or for) breakfast. After every meal, she is again, seeking out something sweet. While her kids are playing, she hides in the food pantry and eats spoonfuls of peanut butter topped with chocolate chips. She always has room for dessert.

Sugar Baby misses those school fundraisers when they actually sold useful stuff like candy bars. Sugar Baby is convinced that her mother created this mess in-utero and that there is no cure.

I may be the first ever to create a 12 Step Program to help all the helpless and innocent Sugar Babies of the world.

All day, Facebook updates read things like:
"Hi, I'm Alex and I ate 10 Kit Kats today."

"I'm Shirley and it's been 2 hours since my last Reeses."

I know for me, there is no happy medium. I cannot eat just one of anything so today I decided I needed to dig deep within my soul instead of the candy bucket. I know that if I can just overcome the next few days, my addiction will be broken.

Anyone joining me on this torturous journey? Misery does love company!

What am I eliminating?

Any kind of dessert. Cakes, cookies, pie, candy, ice-cream. I am not sure if I will stop using the 1/2 tsp of sugar in my coffee.

My Strategy?

Every time I thought about hitting the candy bucket today, I drank water instead. If you're all smart, you'd invest in some Depends stock right now.

1 comment:

Ginny said...

Please forgive Sugar Mama for introducing you to all these sweets while you were still in the womb. Tonight I enjoyed a beautiful 5 layer choc. cake and boy oh boy it was so delicious. I enjoyed every spoonful. Wish I had some more right now.:)
In my next life I plan to own a bakery.:)