"Your honesty is so refreshing!"
People seem to love the raw, honest truth. I'm not so sure you are going to like hearing my following honesty and if you are offended by the F word, then you might want to find one of those mommy scrapbooking blogs to balance out all the naughtiness you are about to read.
I do believe honesty is important 99% of the time. For example. I recently bought a dress which was very beautiful and at a great price. This was for an upcoming wedding. When I tried it on in the store, I tried to convince myself that it looked good on me. Considering I'm dealing with a 35 lb weight gain, I thought this is the way my fat self was supposed to look. Something inside me didn't really love how it looked but I bought it anyway. I later tried it on for my friend Michelle, who should really get on "What Not to Wear" as a consultant. As soon as that dress was over my head, she said, "NO, that's not the right cut on you." I have to say, for a split second, the truth hurt. But then I got over it. She was so right and then offered up one of her many dresses for me to wear to the wedding. She could have totally lied to my face (like the sales girl did), but a good friend is honest. I think everyone needs a friend like Michelle!
Having said that, I'm now going to be honest about my hair and how I feel about it. I fucking hate it. Yes, I fucking hate it, most of the time. Like 98% of the time.
Before it grew back, people would say: "You know, my friend had cancer and when her hair grew back it was so curly!" No SHIT SHERLOCK! I never heard THAT one before! Thank you for the heads up!! I did not know that it could grow back curly!
I'd like to respond to that statement sometime with:
"Yes, it's amazing how it grows back curly on my head, but did you know my pubic bush is poker straight?"
That'll fix 'em. What is up with that anyway? Pubes are supposed to be curly, dammit! Now it's like they fucking took up residency on my head!
I know what you are thinking and what you would say to me now.
"Becky, you look elegant!"
"I think you are stunning"
I have just one question for you and please, take no offense.
Are you high? Do you REALLY think this hair do is pretty? Or are you saying that to make me feel good and you're just happy not to look at my bald head anymore?
A different friend named Michelle (also a Pink Sister), has often said, "No one would CHOOSE to have this hair do if they had hair! Do people think I had it 'done' like this?" She is right, would you go to a salon and ask for "The Post Chemo Pubey Salt n Peppa Approaching Don King Curly" do? Does this hairdo show up in ANY hair magazine on the planet? If so, I'd like to see it.
It's fucking ugly. It's not my color either. I used to be a strawberry blond.
I feel bad complaining about something so vain and trivial like hair. Yes, I am grateful every fucking day to be alive when some of my Pink Sisters are truly fighting for their lives right now. I have hair and life guilt and I know many women feel exactly like me. They, too, hate their hair and feel guilty talking about it. Well, I'm giving you all permission to bitch and moan away. It's ok. Cancer has robbed us of most of what makes us feel "feminine". Now we feel, dare I say this word, Butchy.
I got myself gussied up for the wedding the other night, doing my best to look like a girl. I look at the pictures of myself from that night and I just don't recognize me. I still have a hard time with this, I suppose.
A few blogs ago, I wrote about "Loving myself, no matter what". I still love myself, I just hate my hair. Does that make sense?
Next year at this time, I'm sure I will look back on this blog and laugh. I will probably be complaining about something new, like how my hair is making me hot or it costs too much to cut!