Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Overcoming Cancer's Hairy Situations

I really hate my hair.  

I know, I know, this is something you hear women say all the time. But this lady was recently bald. Her hair is growing back in full swing. I should be happy, right?

Well, at first, I was ECSTATIC. I chronicled every little wisp that sprouted up.  That peach fuzz was endearing and cute. Until it started morphing into a salt and peppa 'Fro. Now, it's just plain Fugly. Yes, that's right. I'm going to sound like a whiny, complaining bitch for having hair on my head. You're probably saying to yourself, "You should be happy it's growing!" or, "It's really pretty on you! If I didn't know you, I'd think you had it CUT that way!"

Oh, really? Do people really have their hair dyed and cut EXACTLY like this? Do people chose  hairstyles like this? Let me tell you, it's only going to get worse if the curls keep curling. I can't seem to gel it, comb it or do ANYTHING with it. And please don't tell me to put a head band on because that's even sadder on this do. And my beloved hats that I loved a few months ago? I can't even stand the feel of them anymore. This hairdo is for the birds. Literally. In fact, I think a bird was nesting in there earlier today but I was too tired to disturb it.

I had counseled myself through baldness by saying to myself and others, "Hair is so overrated. Every girl should be bald at least once in her life, just to feel how liberating it is! I may even STAY bald, or at least keep a very short hair do. I really don't miss my old hair. It was SUCH a pain in the ass to do. Don't let your hair DEFINE you."

Well, I believe every word of that to be true but now I just want to fast forward a few inches. I'm really not asking for Rapunzel. Nurse Jackie will do just fine!

When I was bald, this is what I heard:

"You look great bald! I can really see your face now!"
"Don't ever have long hair again!"
"Your head is just so perfectly shaped!"

And people stared at me in public if I didn't wear a hat or scarf. The looks were mostly of pity, discomfort, or a little sadness. So, one day, while having coffee with my girlfriends, I made this sign. I said, "If I could make a T-Shirt, this is what it would say!"

(God, I really do have a nice head! And yes, middle fingers were intentional.)

Now, when I go out in public, people just stare at my hair. Like, "Dear Lord, woman, who cut your hair, Stevie Wonder?"

And there's no hiding from it. It's pitiful. Yes, I know there are worse things in the world. Trust me, I get it. It's my blog and I'll vent if I want to.

My biggest fears are no longer about cancer. Do you know what I am scared of? That I'm going to look like a 32 year actress who plays a 14 year old Jewish boy named Jacob at his Bar Mitzvah. That is exactly where this hairdo is headed. See below.

Papa can you hear me? 

I guess this hair growing process is another fucking metaphor for the "Cancer Journey". 
There is no easy way around it and you just have to go through it. Things are going to get ugly, and strange, and wild. You can't skip past the chemo crapfest or the awkward curls.

Life, in general is like this. You'd like to fast forward through a Jacob In Progress but you can't.  Keep your head held high, smile, and dab on some lipstick so you at least look like a girl. 

And if that isn't for you, just wear a paper bag over your head until the birds have left the nest. 


Luisa DeLuca said...

i think it looks cute!

Anonymous said...

You're awesome Becky and I totally understand you and agree!

Anonymous said...

The curlies will go away as it gets longer. I looked like Fat Albert for awhile. Invest in hair gel (Bed Head) and a flat iron

Debra Turner said...

What I'm thinking is the human body is amazing! You hair isn't growing back the way you'd like for it too, but it grew back fast.

Keep up the great attitude and humor you have displayed. You're a real trooper! Becky has hair, yeah!

Unknown said...

Becky, knowing you, I expect to see a picture of you next week with purple hair. You know you can get temporary hair gel that's purple, right??? Love you, Beckster, and whatever you look like, you have a loving giving heart and a wonderful sense of honesty, and that's what's important. If people only see your bald head, short hair, and think that's the real you, then they are the ones I feel sorry for.

Becky's Big Bytes said...

Thanks everyone! You all rock! Thanks for listening to me vent! Xoxo

Albert Grande said...

Fear not, Becky. You are beautiful just thw way you are. I just spent an hour comforting Kamalei, my doughter who says she feels ugly because she has a rash on her upper lip....
Hey you are wonderful Becky and your beauty shines through!
Let is shine, shine, shine!
Your Cousin, albert

Heather B. said...

Hey there! :) A friend helped me find your page on FB. Just finished Treatment 6 of 8 chemos for breast cancer. I'm triple negative, so they hit it w chemo first, then surgery later. I'm not in the hair-growth stage yet, but I know other survivors: it only looks funky at the start, then what grows back looks more like your old hair. Maybe a little more wave, but that's it. The ladies I know look awesome now. Hang in there -- I miss my hair too! Come find me on FB if you'd like to chat. :)