Girls Gone Wild: Suburban Style

Amazing things happen to you when you tell your friends and family you have a disease like Breast Cancer. Suddenly, you realize just how much you matter to people and there are no limits to what people will do for you. First, there are flowers and candy, and brownies (both milk and dark chocolate; SCORE!), Edible Arrangements, cards with words of encouragement, donations made in your name, banana bread, Alex & Ani bracelets, meal deliveries, Angel pins, and Holy Water ("Rub it all over your chest!"). One friend offered to shave my bikini line (no thanks!). Some friends offer to rub my back.

And then some want to rub my front.

Yes, it seems that my tumory breast has now become its own little public service announcement. For a girl whose breasts have never gotten a second glance, now they are getting felt up more than a Sophomore on prom night.

So far I have "Gone to Second" with at least 5 of my women friends who have been so shocked and upset by my news that they needed to see and feel a Cancerous tumor. Sure, they have read about "the signs", but seeing and feeling is another story.

It usually goes like this. I share my news. Then we dash into the bathroom together where I lift up my shirt and then we both look in the mirror, comparing the normal boob to the abnormal boob. And then they feel the lumps and say something like "I didn't expect it to feel like that", or "Your right boob is giving me the stink eye. Make it stop!"

(Side note: Does this make me a lesbian?)

Anyway, you can call me a freak, a hippy, a free wheeling, fancy free kinda gal. (I have seen my share of topless beaches), but seriously, in the words of Jerry Seinfeld,  "It's a nipple. A little round circular protuberance. What's the big deal? See everybody's got them. See I got them."  It's no big deal!  For you men reading this, boobs were meant for feeding babies and somewhere along the way they became these sexual objects.  Tsk Tsk!

So this is what goes on in suburbia, or shall I say, "Suboobia".  If this type of behavior continues, I may have to start my own site called "YouBoob".