"Take it in stride", she said.
"She" was the technician who I have come to know over the last few years from my yearly mammographies. She knew I was scared and as I walked out that fateful Tuesday, these were her final words to me.
I thought to myself, "Jeez, that's easier said than done, right?" and then I thought even deeper about it. Was there a hidden message in there? I have done the "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" walk countless times in the past, and now I am being told "Take it in stride".
Is this some sort of hidden message? Was she giving away my diagnosis before the doctor would even call me later that day? I felt like I was part of a secret society now.
Who knows? God knows, taking each of these steps in stride is NOT easy.
As of this morning, I was joyful, ready for the next step on Friday and sitting in Burger King with my parents and son having coffee. (It's only $1.00 and it's good, don't judge me.) I got pissed off at my bra (even the Genie bra has been uncomfortable lately) so I channeled my deceased Auntie Marie and took that thing off right in the middle of BK. Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the Genie Bra, it has no hooks and is much like a sports bra, so it's not as easy to take off in public. I managed and before you know it, that pink baby wormed its way down my legs and sat at my feet. My father was chuckling as he ate his sausage and egg biscuit, my 5 year old was unphased, and my mother had scrambled eggs spewing out of her mouth. I felt much better now. Today was going to be a great day!
Then the cell phone rang. It was the doctor's office and there had been a change of plans. It turned out the MRI results showed another suspicion in the "axillary area" which would need to be ultrasounded and biopsied tomorrow a.m. Here we go again, I thought. Back to square one. More tests, more waiting, more agita, more wanting to throw up every time the phone rings, more not sleeping, and more pacing.
Sure, I'll just take it in stride.
I keep telling myself that my agita will go away once I have all the answers and I can handle whatever comes my way. I know this is just another bump in the road and a test to see just how much patience and strength I have. Many people who are in the middle of a diagnosis say that the worst part is the waiting and once they know what they are up against, they can deal with anything.
I would agree with that! This road sure is bumpy. It turns, it twists, and it goes down the majority of the time like a runaway freight train.
This girl is now freed from her shackles and is going Bra Commando. "What's that flapping in the breeze?" you ask. It's Becky Going Braless, once again. And if you can get away with it, I highly recommend it! Just watch out for those speed bumps...