Saturday, September 8, 2012

50 Shades of Facebook: Part Two

A few funny things have happened since publishing 50 Shades of Facebook: Part One.  Readers are coming out of the wood work offering up their own versions of "FB Offenders".

They are also doing a lot of "self checking" before they post an update on FB. And now I'm worried that my blog may forever change the landscape of FB.  Are people going to hold back what they really feel because of my influential blog? Where will I get my newest material from if they start posting things like, "Started my new job today. So excited!".  Sure, it sounds benign enough, but you know I'll find something wrong with that post and find a way to pigeon hole you too. Consider yourselves warned.

Without further ado, the list continues. We ended the last blog at #13, so here we go:

14. Chatty Cathy:  She is the one who, as soon as you sign on to FB for some brainless fun and distraction, starts a "Chat" with you. Her greeting is simply, "Hi", leaving you to fill in an awkward conversation with a High School friend you barely remember." You quickly go "offline" and pretend you aren't there while you play Farmville and Bejeweled Blitz with strangers.

15. The Weight Watcher:  "Lost .6 lbs today." (The reader is always curious if this was before or after posting  #13 of the first list. )

16. Drama Mama:  "My poor Ariel didn't make the cheer leading squad because she was texting during tryouts. SO unfair! AND to boot, pink Uggs are nowhere to be found. Ugh!"

17. Jet Setter: When she goes on a trip, you will hear about every leg of her tour.
"Just packed my suitcase! Can't wait for some sun and surf in the Bahamas baby!"
"Going through airport security and hope I don't get felt up! LMAO!"
"Just landed, wow, that was a close one!"

18.  The Arsonist: One who makes a very controversial statement and then walks away as if they just set a house on fire....watching in silence as her friends spar.
(Sent in by my number one fan, thanks Weezie!)

19. The English Teacher:  Her life's mission is to correct every misuse of "their, they're, your and you're" on FB. And girlfriend, there are plenty to go around, so get busy.

20. The Zoolander:  Desperate to post a photo of themselves, they do the classic pose below.

Also known as "The Narcissist",
they have an entire photo album of pics like this one

21. The Peeping Tom: S/he looks at everyone's pictures and posts but never comments on anything. They give off the impression that they are too busy or cool for FB but you know they are out there lurking and smirking.

22. The Houdini: They are on your friend list one day and then *poof* they are gone;  causing you to question if they have "blocked" you. But then they appear again out of nowhere. Was it something I said?

23.  The Anti Socialite:  She "befriends" everyone on the block, yet when you see her in the hood, she makes no eye contact and if you were being mugged, she'd walk right by, pretending to talk on her cell phone.

24.  The Disher: They post a picture of every single meal they eat. They would prefer to be called "Foodies".   (Thanks to Mari SanGiovanni for this suggestion and click here to buy her books!)

25.  The Multi-Tasker: "Deep frying a turkey right now while braiding Janey's hair!"

26. Boo Boo Kitty: She likes to post pictures of her black and blues, her kids' scars and missing teeth, and various body parts zoomed in. She then runs a Facebook contest for you all to guess what the picture is.

27. The Groupie: She creates groups for her own entertainment and tries to recruit her friends. Such groups include "Brad Pitt Wouldn't Date Bea Arthur....or would he?", and "People Against Chimps as Pets", or "I love cleaning the lint trap of my dryer". 

28. The Crypt Keeper: She posts very vague updates like: "I can't believe it." or "Burn in Hell", or my favorite, "Whyyy?"   It's attention seeking behavior at its best. 

Stay tuned....I am committed to 22 more shades. If you have any suggestions, please post them here and I will be happy to give credit where it is due on this blog. Promise!

And now, click here for Part 3!!

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