What National Cancer Survivor Day Means to Me

According to my most trusted news source (Facebook), today is National Cancer Survivor Day. If you don't believe me, you can click here to see what all the fuss is about and perhaps even "like" their page.

I started writing a blog about this special day and then decided to scrap it for something less intense. It kinda said everything that's already been said about survivorship so I thought it best to not reinvent the wheel.

Here's what being a survivor is really like, in my world anyway!

1.  This. Just after diagnosis I felt exactly like this.

2. Enjoying the "glass half full" with having implants: I am completely buoyant in the water and will NEVER drown (see #1), no matter how much I don't try to stay afloat. I can single-boobedly save an entire family from a capsized ferry!

3. Picturing everyone I know with no hair. It's true. When you go bald, it's all you see. A bunch of cue balls! And you know what? People are more attractive with no hair. No. Joke!

4. Saying "yes" to the things that make me happy and "no" to the things that don't.

5. Forgetting everything. My kids' names, where I left my keys, what did I eat for supper 5 minutes ago?

6. Taking great care to shave my underarms because I now have this canyon between my foobs and my pits. It's a thing you have to see to really understand but no, I'm not posting a pic.

7. Enjoying the little things in life;  like watching my kids play, waiting at the bus stop, and even cleaning the house. Cuz I can.

8. Not feeling guilty about ordering Peapod to deliver my groceries, even with my able body. Life is just too damn short to waste time lugging groceries on a nice day. (So I'm blogging instead!)

9. Unfriending people on Facebook because they complain too much about nonsense and how hard their lives are.

10. Friending perfect strangers on FB because they are in the same life boat as me and I feel like I've known them forever.

11. Freedom. Being a survivor for me means freedom. That is what good health is. Freedom to do what I want when I want. It's freedom to let go of the past, look forward to the future and ride this wave, no matter where it takes me. And because I'm so damn buoyant now (see #2), I can go ANYWHERE and be safe.

God bless all the survivors out there. You are not alone! And  God bless all of the doctors, nurses and caregivers who help all of us survivors every day. We would not be here without you all. Having cancer sucked but I'm proud to be a survivor among many great survivors who are not just surviving, but thriving. Peace and love to you all!

You've Come a Long Way, Boobie

If you are struggling with something like the after effects of breast cancer, how do you know if you've "moved on"? There are so many emotions to deal with and sometimes it's hard to be objective about yourself. Sometimes, it takes an actual event for you to see the writing on the wall!

Last year around this time, I had attended an event where there was a nursing mom. There she sat with her infant, breastfeeding her babe in broad daylight (I know, the horror!).  Even though I had already had my "exchange surgery" where my final implants were surgically placed inside of me, I was still emotionally raw.

As I sat there, glancing over at the new mom, I was filled with sadness. I wasn't prepared to be in this situation.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there....fast. I just couldn't deal. At all. But somehow, I did. I managed to get through the event by swallowing my tears and telling myself that it was OK. This is normal.  You have to expect this.

It's funny how we put expectations on ourselves with a timetable of when we are supposed to be "over it".  I've learned that placing time limits on your feelings is cruel to the self and now I find that I need to just ride the wave.

Fast forward to four weeks ago. I was visiting a friend who happens to be a new mom  and she was immersed in the world of breastfeeding her baby. Her friend was also there, nursing and talking about all things breast and milk.  And you know, I was OK! Actually, not just OK, but I was able to participate in the conversation and offer support as a veteran, nursing mom. I never once felt sad, depressed, or the need to vacate the premises.  Even more, I was so happy for these two, beautiful, happy moms.

That, my friends is PROGRESS!

(If you've never seen the movie "Muriel's Wedding", you must!)

I have pictures of my old breasts on my I-Pad and they jump out and hit me in the eye every time I access my photo stream. (Yes, "before" pics were important to me!) Every time they pop up now, I just breeze past them. They were a big part of my life and served a very important purpose. But now I feel like they are just somebody that I used to know.

I don't want to sound overly cocky that I have kicked these emotions to the curb for good. Who knows if I'll have some sort of massive, mammary meltdown in a store dressing room three weeks from now.

For now, I am feeling pretty good that I have rounded a corner and my brain is not so hyper-focused on what I have lost.  I will continue to ride the wave, no matter where it takes me and that is OK!

Diversity Trend

My friend, Mark recently shared his masters project idea with me and I really loved the concept! He told me that one of the requirements of his Innovative Marketing Strategies class was to build a website and promote it.  Instead of creating a faux company "selling widgets", he and his partner decided to build one that could actually make a  difference in society. And so Diversity Trend was born.  

I am very excited to share his project with my readers and hope that everyone will take a few minutes to check out his site. Mark would love some feedback on his site, too, so please use the Contact Us tab to get in touch with him.

I really love the mission statement for Diversity Trend:

"To cultivate a community representing a wide variety of individuals at all levels, all of whom respect, honor and celebrate the broad range of human differences among us, while also embracing the commonalities we share, and to provide each individual with the opportunity to achieve his or her full potential while pursuing their goals."

As a mom, this story about Mark's daughter's pre-school experience really touched me. The activity "We are all the same on the inside” is so powerful and is a great message for ALL ages. Perhaps corporate America could weave this activity into their diversity trainings, too!

And because diversity is, well, so diverse, Mark also has a section called Think Before You Speak and advises on what NOT to say to veterans. We all have good intentions but sometimes we say the wrong thing, self included.

Follow Diversity Trend on Facebook and Twitter too and please share with your friends!

Going Through Detox (It's not what you think : )

Last year, I made some really HUGE changes in my life. After 3 surgeries and 4 rounds of chemo, losing my hair, getting fat, dealing with severe anxiety and depression, and finally coming to grips with it all and getting my act together, I started reducing the toxic burdens in my life. Up until last year, I thought I led a pretty healthy lifestyle but as it turns out, I was blindly using products on myself, my kids and in my home that were not very safe after all.

I'll back up to December 2013.

My chemo treatments were done and I had recovered from my double mastectomy. I was finally cleared for exercising at the gym. On my very first day back, I was hot flashing on the treadmill, me and my G.I. Jane look. As I slowly lifted one foot in front of the other, one of the trainers asked me if it was ok to put the big fan on in the corner. (Usually people cannot handle "the big fan"). In true form, I began to spill my guts and the floodgates opened. I told her the more fan the better, as this girl was always on fire lately. Point that fan over here, please!

As I got to know this kind woman named Lori, I learned that she, too was a breast cancer survivor. Hey, why not? It's only an epidemic, right? In no time at all, she was educating me about the dangers of parabens in beauty care products and how in some studies parabens have rendered Tamoxifen INEFFECTIVE. Of course, this caught my ear. Since I am on this 5 year plan of estrogen-blocking Tamoxifen, why would I continue to use products that contain parabens if they are going to counteract each other? After so many painstaking steps to become "cancer free", did I really want to take a gamble with my health? The answer was a simple "NO". (And p.s....not ONE of my doctors ever thought to mention this very important piece of information with me. Disappointing!!!)

It turns out, parabens were just ONE thing to worry about.

I told Lori that I used and sold Mary Kay products for years. She told me about the skin care products she uses and sells, Ava Anderson Non-Toxic.   I had never heard of it, even though this company is right here in my home state of Rhode Island. She was willing to come to my house and let me try everything I wanted for free. So, I let her. The old me would have politely declined her offer but the new me was really intrigued by this "non-toxic" concept.  Immediately, I was hooked and this was after using the same skin care from the same company for 31 years straight (talk about loyalty!).

I immediately ordered the entire Ava skin care set and then booked a party so I could earn free products. Oh, and she suggested I use some of Ava's Diaper Cream on my chest as my foobs were suffering from the dreadful expansion process (see past blogs if you need to get caught up!). The diaper cream worked wonders and I was now an Ava convert!

I'll fast forward to now. Since then I have signed on as a consultant to sell Ava's products and share the Ava Anderson Non-Toxic message with everyone who will listen, and even those who won't. I absolutely love these products and everything this company stands for (and doesn't stand for). I am not an expert in this field but I have learned so much in the last 9 months. Ava's website has some great tools for anyone who is nervous or overwhelmed about getting started on the non-toxic road. Trust me, it's very easy and can be done all at once or even just little by little.  Any step in the right direction is always a good thing. The link provided will give you a list of some of the biggest toxic offenders lurking in your skin care products.

I'm so happy that Lori shared her knowledge with me that fateful day. I do believe knowledge is power and that ignorance is not bliss, especially when it comes to your health.  It's my time now to share what I know and hopefully help someone else who will benefit from this information. Why keep such a wonderful thing a secret?

I will be sharing more about Ava's products and how to help detoxify your life in my upcoming blogs. I hope you enjoy it and share it with those you love and care about. Thank you xoxo

P.S. In the mean time, take a look at my site and do a little shopping for yourself, a loved one, someone having their 1st or 10th baby, and even your pets!  Any questions, please reach out to me and I'll be happy to help.

Survive Your Next Doctor's Appointment with Dignity. GetJanes!

It goes without saying that over the past 2 years, I've been to numerous doctors and lab centers, having more than my share of mammograms, ultrasounds, guided biopsies, MRI's, surgeries, and treatments......all fun stuff. I am happy to no longer be a pin cushion and a patient!

During that time I found myself on tissue paper-covered waiting tables, cold slabs, and sitting in waiting rooms with scores of other scared women.... each of us wearing ill-fitting  "Johnnies", trying to keep our privates private. There we sat, all in fetal-like positions, trying to hold on to what little dignity we had.  You know that pose, right? The one where your legs are crossed and your arms are pulling at the inside ties to help cover your nether regions? Something always falls out, no matter how hard you try. It's so humiliating!

I thought the Johnnies were the worst thing in town, until I had my 6 month oncology appointment last year. I was sent into "the room" by the sweet, 20 year old medical assistant.

She told me to undress.
And....

"Put this on".

(Who on God's pink earth thought this one up?)

In case you are thinking your eyes are deceiving you, look again. This is not just a pink, paper Johnny, but an actual MIDRIFF pink, paper Johnny. I bet you didn't know they made them this fancy!

Now, let's back up a second. Once my journey was over, I had gained a full 40 lbs (wow, just like each of my pregnancies!)  I could picture my side boobs and my jelly belly just spilling out of the sides of this. You would think with my big mouth that now matched my big body, it would have been a good time to speak up and revolt, but I honestly was in too much shock to protest. So, if my memory serves, I left my undies and pants on and put this on top. I still felt utterly ridiculous. And pink....really? I'm so over you!

Even with the modifications I managed to make before my doc came in, I still felt so stupid and uncomfortable in a pink, paper midriff Johnny. But did I have a choice? No. Did I feel powerful in this situation? NO. This is the way it is and it will never change.

So I thought.

Then, through the power of social media, a woman named Sharon Linder contacted me on LinkedIn. She must have noticed my then bald head and my numerous references to breast cancer awareness. She introduced herself as the CEO of GetJanes. (Ps. I love the name of her company!) She generously sent me one of her genius inventions. It's more like the "Anti-Johnny" and covers you in all the right places, while also being soft and comfy. It even comes in its own soft carrying case so you can bring it to your appointments and no longer bear the wrath of the pink, paper Johnny!

Please check out her website and watch this video! As it turns out, GetJanes were born out of personal necessity. Sharon, her sisters and mother all fought their own cancer battles and I'm sure they saw more than their share of paper Johnnies. 

Do you have a friend or family member who is going through a tough illness, requiring multiple tests or treatments? Do you think that flowers are a great idea? Well, they do brighten one's day, however they DIE! For the cost of a floral arrangement you can GetJanes and give them something they can wear with dignity at each appointment.  And ps. they also make a great every day robe too. Mine hangs on my bathroom door hook so I have something light to wear when I get out of the shower. 

Quotes from the little men in my house:

"Mommy, that looks so soft and comfortable!"

"It looks like something you could wear to the beach!"

They are so smart!

I can't WAIT to go to my follow up appointments with my oncologist and my breast surgeon over the next few months. I plan on bringing my Jane with me. No more paper Johnnies for this girl. When I said I would be bringing back my power in 2015 that includes not being that scared, cowering girl sitting on a cold slab, with my side boobs hanging out. 

I'll be wearing my Janes proudly!

p.s. I received no monetary compensation for writing this blog, but I did GetJanes which is way more valuable. Thank you, Sharon Linder! So happy our paths crossed. xoxo

Reclaiming My Power

I've spent a lot of time talking and writing about my physical and emotional breast cancer journey over the last 18 months. I think it's time to move on, although I can't promise that I won't regress and need to vent about my plus-sized body or how my bionic boobs still freak me out. The (not so) funny thing about the breast cancer journey is it truly never ends. But I will say I am in a much happier and peaceful place than I was just 6 months ago. Hallelujah!

The last two years have been wrought with vulnerability and loss of control. I decided that for 2015, I'm going to talk more about prevention, detection and reclaiming my power.

I think that out of all of the human conditions, the feeling of powerlessness has to be the worst one. We've all experienced it; whether it's having to wait for a computer to cooperate while we are in the middle of a project, working in a job we feel stuck in, or (so much worse), watching a loved one suffer and there is nothing we can do to ease their pain. And then, there is the powerlessness over one's own condition, like being given a brutal diagnosis for which there is no hope.

Loss of power can leave us feeling helpless and fearful. Constantly. It is a horrible way to exist.

The beautiful thing about surviving a cancer diagnosis (for me, anyway), is that I now feel powerful. Who knew? In my world, there is nothing that I cannot do. My mind is no longer limited by my insecurities and fears. There has been a definite shift in my thinking and I am determined to live my life, going forward and in a state of power. No more fear.

I'm sharing all of this with you to plant the seeds for my upcoming blogs.  I've learned so much over the last year about two very important topics:

1. Toxic chemicals in household and beauty products
2. Dense breasts and why you need to know more about them

These topics are completely unrelated but writing about them and sharing what I know is super important to me. As I have been so immersed in the breast cancer community, I am aware (on a daily basis) of women my age and so much younger, who are dying of breast cancer. I'm so damn tired of it. I'm so deeply sad about it. And, I feel powerless about it and you know, I cannot feel this way any longer.

I am going to use my power of knowledge now to spread the type of awareness that is real and necessary.  And if I could ask a favor of anyone who reads this, it would be that you share this blog with everyone you know.

Be powerful.
xoxo