I Don't Think You're Ready for this Belly

I'm so sick of hearing about my belly fat.

Everywhere I turn, my spam folder, the TV, my mirror, it's there, nagging at me. My friend Laura affectionately refers to hers as her "What's That?" Michelle calls it her "Ooh Dreep".  And me, well, I never had a name for mine until this week when I started touching it and realized it had a whole new feel to it. I asked the husband to validate my feelings and so he pressed on it like I was the Pillsbury Doughboy and declared, "It feels like a water bed".   So there you have it, I now have a name for mine.

Dr Oz recently did a show on this topic where every woman in the audience wore a spandex bra and bike shorts, exposing their bellies for the world to see.  Some of the women were sobbing, stating they were embarrassed, ashamed, and depressed about their midriffs.  The show was supposed to help us women understand why we have belly fat, what we can eat to reduce our belly fat, and more importantly, it was an opportunity for Dr. Oz to grope and feel up as many grieving women in one fell swoop. It's not that I don't love you, Doc, but clearly, you have some issues in  Doctor/Patient Relations Department. Just sayin'.

It turns out if you want to eliminate your BF you should eat sauerkraut, miso soup and I'm sure there was something else. After 2 weeks on this diet, I don't understand why my waterbed is still afloat. I've been eating the sauerkraut daily on my hot dog but my BF is just growing. WTFBF?