Parenthood: Blessing or Burden?

When I became a mother, I had some clue as to how life would be....or so I thought. You never really know until you are in the trenches, up for nights on end; feeding, changing, nursing, crying (yours), repeat. And you think the hard work is just when they are babies but there is always a new stage to contend with and as good as your little angels are, it's still a lot of freaking work and it never goes away. Sure, you can grab a date night, an hour nap, or a one way run down the street screaming your head off for only so long. The job of motherhood is always there; 365 day/year job which pays you squat. Your leash is a short one, no matter how you slice it. The job violates every labor law out there. Why hasn't the Department of Labor intervened by now?

One recent article sparked some controversy. Take a look here. It's about parents who love their kids but hate their lives. If you are childless by choice, this article will make you feel validated. If you have kids, well, I can't tell you how you feel. If you wish you had kids, then please don't read the article. Personally, I love being a mother and feel that it is one of my "vocations" in life that I was meant to do, and if that sounds too corny for you then, too bad. I do have other hopes and dreams aside from all the glory and goo that is motherhood. But it's not easy, none of it. No matter who you are, whether you are a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) or a WOHM (Work Outside Home Mom), we are all working our fannies off, right? Aren't we all doing what is best for our families and ourselves? Isn't that enough? I think it is. No one gets a prize when it's all over that says, "She made her own dough" or "She sewed all the kids' clothes". The prize is that everyone got out alive and mostly unscathed at the end of each day.

I know plenty of parents (many are very close friends) who have severely disabled or chronically ill children. Their kids' medical needs are never ending and their futures are unpredictable, at best. And do you know what is interesting about them? I NEVER hear them complain about their kids. And do you know why? Because they are just plain grateful to have those children, problems and all. Then, there are the parents who are given the most precious, perfect and healthy children and for whatever reason, do not see it. They complain about every little thing.

We all have our days. But to say that a person "hates their life" as a result of having children makes me cringe. Do you view having a child as a blessing or a burden? Every day and every night, and many times in between, I am counting my blessings, big and little.

Got Formula? Not anymore!

Our local baby factory hospital, Women & Infants, has recently announced that they will no longer provide formula samples to new moms who are being discharged. Their claim is that the formula sends the wrong message to mothers and discourages breast feeding, while also endorsing products, another bad message. (They also give you as many free Pampers as can fit in a body bag, but I guess that does not count).

I think this new practice is stupid, stupid, stupid.

A little background, in case you think I am biased (but aren't we all?). I was the mother who was beyond determined to make breastfeeding work no matter what happened. At no point was my baby ever going to have formula, unless it was a dire emergency. I took all the classes, I coached my nipples, preparing them for what was to "come", and I had all the right equipment; the pump, the peek-a-boo bras, the plastic breast shields (don't ask), the leakage pads, and the extra strength Advil for the pain that would ensue.

Are you picturing Wonder Woman without the tiny waist? Good.

Then my first born arrived. An average sized baby who had a hard time "latching on". What? How could this happen? Isn't breastfeeding the most natural thing in the world? Doesn't the baby have an instinct? And who are these hairy women coming into my room, analyzing my breasts and prying open my baby's mouth by his chin while squirting water in his face to wake him up, all in the name of a feeding? And did I mention that I can't even rest the baby on my tummy for a feeding as I've just had a C-section. Home team disadvantage, you must hold the baby like a football under your arm. Do these people know how much I hated flag football in junior high? I sucked! And now my baby doesn't even know how to.

Day 2: The baby starts getting jaundicy and it later turns out it's not the normal kind. It's the kind called "Breastfeeding Jaundice", which they tell me can only be cured by drinking more breast milk. Super! I have a yellow baby who wants to sleep all the time, has a receding chin (not cool in the Land of Lactation), and was just circumcised (adding to more trauma).

At this point, I may have turned to formula. I did not. As I said, I was determined! I used the hospital pump and tried to increase the supply of milk so the baby could look less like a lemon.

They even let me take him home where I continued pumping and nursing constantly. However, this baby was not recovering from Breast milk Jaundice and was losing weight. My pediatrician (also a nursing mother to 3 kids), knew how much I wanted this to work. She finally advised formula to supplement, just to get his weight up. I was devastated at the time, but I did what she said. I was in no way going to mess with his development. He ended up gaining weight and was fine, however, my breast milk supply never "took off", so he was a half and half baby. Kind of like what you put in your coffee.

Then I had my 2ND baby 4 years later. I gave the breastfeeding a try and miraculously, it worked extremely well for 15 months. He had formula once in a blue moon.

We all know that breastfeeding is the most natural and nutritious food choice for a baby. However, sometimes, it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. And after having experienced my own reasons, I can understand why some women "give up" on breastfeeding, or don't even try it. They probably hear horror stories or perhaps they are too self conscious to even try it. You cannot judge another woman for choosing formula. You are not in her bra, are you?

So, getting back to my opening sentence way up top. No matter what your choice is, having a sample of formula handed to you upon discharge will not be the nail in the coffin. You have already had the baby and by the time you have left the hospital, you have fed the baby via breast or bottle and have made some type of decision, correct? And what happens if you get home and you don't have a back up plan in case you cannot nurse? Won't that dinky little sample from the Similac company come in handy?

I loved my experience at Women & Infants and I am so grateful that both my babies were delivered safely and I was treated with the best possible care by all of the nurses and staff. However, I believe this new policy is just silly and they are using the wrong platform to send their message. The free Pampers do not cost the hospital any money, nor do the formula samples. You get all kinds of freebies as a new mom. Considering what the formula companies charge, I think it's the least they can do. The hospital already has their army of lactation consultants swarming the castle like Breastfeeding Ninjas, sniffing out every woman who springs a leak, so we know that they give breastfeeding more P.R. than the Kardashian girls.

Perhaps the hospital's new strategy can include sending all new moms home with a 60 year old Russian wet nurse. Now that would be useful!

Why you should go to that Class Reunion

It's hard to believe that 25 years have passed since my high school graduation. I have attended most of our reunions and I must say, this milestone reunion was the best ever. I can only speak for myself but I have a feeling that my classmates share the same sentiments. This one was extra special!


We're all getting older; that is a no brainer. But I think as you hit your 40s, the reality of mortality and time slipping through your fingers really starts to hit you. Many of us have lost parents, have dealt with tragedies, personal or family illness, daily stress and struggles, loneliness, or hardship. On the flip side, many have gotten married (twice!), had kids, enjoyed thriving careers, or traveled the world. We've all been down many roads with paths leading us on unexpected turns and twists. However, the one thing we all have in common is our time together in school.


There's something about this shared experience that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. Even if you weren't the most popular, the smartest, or good looking (in whose eyes?) kid in school, we all had our fun. If you were a self-proclaimed Motorhead, Preppy, Dexter, Nerd, Beauty Queen, Jock, or Plain Jane, I know you had at least one friend to share your miserable experience with! I am so thankful to have had one of those friends who "got" me right away and made my 3 years the best ever. I still cherish that girl to pieces and I am so thankful she was brave enough to organize our 25th reunion!


Heading to a reunion after so many years can be scary. Let's face it, things are not exactly where they used to be. On our "Pre-Reunion" Facebook group, the boys were strategizing bald spot and pot belly coverage while the girls worried about love handles, saggy boobs, and laugh lines. Our conversation thread cried out with desperation to Sally Hanson, Spanx, and Manx (my own homage to men's Spanx), even minutes before the reunion began. The hysteria we all felt was contagious and made going to the reunion that much more fun.


And it turned out that we all look pretty damn good! Yes, we are aging but we are doing it together so we're all on the same playing field. There's really no point in trying to look like something you aren't. (Botox and toupees went undetected by this writer.)

What really mattered that night was that we had a rare opportunity to get reacquainted and stroll down memory lane. The night was filled with "our" music, laughter, hugging, crying, more hugging,some odd dance moves, more than a few, "Oh, I remember you!" (even when we didn't with the help of name tags, but that's ok), and wanting this night to last just a little longer.

Life is short and time flies. Both total cliches, and completely true. If you have a chance to go to a class reunion, just go. Don't think about it.

No matter what your experience was in High School, a night with your old classmates will leave you re-energized, giddy, wistful, overwhelmed, grateful, and just plain happy.

And leave the Spanx behind. Dancing to Michael Jackson's P.Y.T while feeling like a sausage stuffed in its casing does not a Pretty Young Thing make.

Want some candy little girl?

I am writing this blog under the influence of being dessert free for one whole week. I didn't think it was possible but after Halloween came and went, I went on a Tootsie Roll bender that would choke a horse. It was not pretty.

I decided to just cut myself off and go cold turkey and now I must say, I'm feeling a bit strange. I definitely don't feel like eating as much and now I'm craving raw vegetables. I am not sure if you should congratulate me or console me. I'm also feeling a tad self-righteous but that's not to say you won't find me face down in a Zaccagnini's chocolate cream pie a week from now. I know this won't last, and that's OK. I just had to detox and take back the control. Excessive sugar really does mess with your brain chemistry and is an addictive substance. Why else would I be eating cake pops in the bathroom and when asked by my kids, "Mommy, what's that you're eating?" my reply "Cheese", when it was actually the 10th mini Milky Way.

People have asked me, "How do you give it up?" Well, you have to be ready. You have to reach rock candy bottom, like I did. And to answer the question, "How do you continue to do it?" Well, I take the AA approach. One Day at a Time. I also find it helpful to snub the sweets when they somehow cross my path. I can be a real b*tch like that.

Have you ever tried to give up sweets? If so, please share your experience here. Am I the only one eating cake pops in the bathroom?

Tricky Picky Nicky Soup

If you have a picky eater who poo poos the nicest veggies in town, LISTEN UP! By using an immersion blender, I managed to disguise beans and carrots, 2 things that would normally be picked out of the bowl.

I am calling it Tricky Picky Nicky Soup.

Here are the ingredients:

2 (32 oz each)boxes of chicken or vegetable stock (or your own homemade version)
3-4 carrots chopped
3-4 stalks of celery chopped
1 small onion chopped
1 tsp dried thyme
salt/pepper to taste
Combine all of the above ingredients in a large pot and bring to a boil. Cover and let simmer for approx 20 minutes on med/low heat.

Add 1 can of white cannellini beans which have been drained and rinsed and let it simmer another 15 minutes or so.

Next, take the immersion blender and puree the mixture right in the pot. This saves you from having to transfer the hot liquid to a food processor (total bummer and messy).

Blend the soup mixture until you can no longer see chunks of beans or carrots as Picky Nicky will find them, trust me!! (Or leave some chunks in there if you prefer.)

Add to this 1 cup of small dried pasta (star shaped work wonders for the little ones) and cook until the pasta is cooked. (You can always cook the pasta separately and add to the soup.)

If you are really adventurous, add some frozen chopped spinach at the end. Simmer another 2 minutes.

Serve this delectable soup with grated Parmesan cheese, freshly chopped parsley, crushed red pepper flakes, a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, a drizzle of olive oil and/or some crusty bread on top.

It's a delightful comforty peasant dish that 3 boys under the age of 9 all LOVED and each had a second bowl. The boy who never eats cooked carrots did not detect a thing. Thank you immersion blender. I will be using you more and more, now that I know about your magic powers!

Over Scheduled Kids, Stressed Out Parents. Who is Winning?

"So, today Joshie has soccer and piano, Amelia has dance and chorus, and Winston has Karate and T-Ball". Then she sighs. BIG.

This familiar rant is heard all around the car lines, the bus stops, and the play dates. The tone of voice and the exasperated looks are always the same as the day's schedule is announced.

Parents today spend so much time shuffling their kids from place to place they lose sight of their own needs and in the process, lose themselves, their sanity and their family structure. They complain, they whine, and they are just plain tired. (I will say this. There is a special heaven for Hockey Moms.)

It starts off innocently enough. After you have your first baby and get into somewhat of a groove, you start to venture out to "activities" for your little cherub. First, it's story hour at the library, then it's "Gymboree", and before he's one, you fear he's lagging behind so you enroll him in Mandarin Chinese language lessons. Then there are swim lessons, soccer, T-ball and karate, all before he's learned how to wipe. And for the girls, there is ballet, pageants (another blog), and Princess lessons.

We're so concerned that our child(ren) will not be able to "keep up" with the other children, we fall into the trap, thinking this insane rat race is normal.

Here's a little secret. It's not.

From my own Mom experience, I have learned that kids need to play; freely, by themselves, and with others. They love to explore, imagine, and create, all within their own space. How do I know this? Because I have 2 boys who fight over toilet paper holders and tape because they are too busy creating antennas, binoculars, robots, and microphones. They really don't need a lot to make them happy. Yesterday, they fought over a string and I had to set the timer to give each equal time playing with the string. I am not lying, people.

Parents complain about not having enough time but they do have a choice. In our house we have a 1 activity rule. Only one sport/activity allowed at a time. After it's over, you can move on to something different. Often times the parents are competing with each other to see who can do more. And in the end, does little Suzy end up in the New York Ballet? Does little Joshie get a full hockey scholarship? Chances are, no.

If you are a parent who is stressed from over scheduling, just ask yourself the following questions:
1. Does my child enjoy this activity? Ask the kid, s/he might surprise you.
2. Does taking my child to this activity place too many demands on the parent and family structure?
3. Is it too expensive? Are you sacrificing in other ways just to keep this activity going?
4. Are there alternatives to this activity?
5. How else would/could you spend your time if you weren't "sacrificing" for the child? (When do mommy & daddy get some play time is what I mean!!)
6. Is the child's school work suffering?
7. Is the child getting enough sleep and time to "be a kid"?
8. Do you think you missed out on something as a kid and are now trying to overcompensate?

Just some things to think about when finding the right balance in your family life. Personally, I was involved in softball, bowling, volleyball, Pep Squad, archery and school government. (I was the most uncoordinated participant out there, but I had fun). Most of my activities were "Intramural", free, and right after school. They did not seem to create any undue stress on my parents but at the same time, enriched my life, introduced me to new friends, and kept me out of trouble.

I hope this blog does not sound "preachy". My hope is that parents might take a step back and consider all factors. Childhood is already too short coupled with the fact that the life of a grownup is a constant treadmill. It sounds like a recipe for slowing down, doesn't it?

Just because everyone else is stressed and over scheduled doesn't mean you have to be too!

Would love to hear your feedback here on this blog. Please feel free to post your opinions here.

Lessons from Irene

1. There are people who drink and eat during the storm while there are people who will blow their leaves and mow, during the storm.

2. There are people who embrace the darkness, the lack of technology, and the dinners by candlelight with friends. And there are people who call a.m radio b*tching about not having electricity while their generators are humming.

3. If you know a hurricane is coming, just eat all the ice cream and get it over with.

4. You will continue to walk into a room even after seven days with no power, and still try to turn on the lights.

5. Your children will not even notice that there is no operating television

6. You will hear a.m radio caller say something like this: "I'm not calling to gripe like everyone else is about the electricity. I got my generator. I got my pool. What I'm worried about is, what exactly do they plan on doing about the hornet problem in my yard?"

7. You and your peeps will be huddled around a.m radio by candlelight. This will be your sole source of entertainment and you all make a pact to make it a weekly ritual, even long after the power returns.