Parenthood: Blessing or Burden?

When I became a mother, I had some clue as to how life would be....or so I thought. You never really know until you are in the trenches, up for nights on end; feeding, changing, nursing, crying (yours), repeat. And you think the hard work is just when they are babies but there is always a new stage to contend with and as good as your little angels are, it's still a lot of freaking work and it never goes away. Sure, you can grab a date night, an hour nap, or a one way run down the street screaming your head off for only so long. The job of motherhood is always there; 365 day/year job which pays you squat. Your leash is a short one, no matter how you slice it. The job violates every labor law out there. Why hasn't the Department of Labor intervened by now?

One recent article sparked some controversy. Take a look here. It's about parents who love their kids but hate their lives. If you are childless by choice, this article will make you feel validated. If you have kids, well, I can't tell you how you feel. If you wish you had kids, then please don't read the article. Personally, I love being a mother and feel that it is one of my "vocations" in life that I was meant to do, and if that sounds too corny for you then, too bad. I do have other hopes and dreams aside from all the glory and goo that is motherhood. But it's not easy, none of it. No matter who you are, whether you are a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) or a WOHM (Work Outside Home Mom), we are all working our fannies off, right? Aren't we all doing what is best for our families and ourselves? Isn't that enough? I think it is. No one gets a prize when it's all over that says, "She made her own dough" or "She sewed all the kids' clothes". The prize is that everyone got out alive and mostly unscathed at the end of each day.

I know plenty of parents (many are very close friends) who have severely disabled or chronically ill children. Their kids' medical needs are never ending and their futures are unpredictable, at best. And do you know what is interesting about them? I NEVER hear them complain about their kids. And do you know why? Because they are just plain grateful to have those children, problems and all. Then, there are the parents who are given the most precious, perfect and healthy children and for whatever reason, do not see it. They complain about every little thing.

We all have our days. But to say that a person "hates their life" as a result of having children makes me cringe. Do you view having a child as a blessing or a burden? Every day and every night, and many times in between, I am counting my blessings, big and little.

When We Were Little....

Ahhh, you know you're getting old when you start uttering those 4 words. It's true though, don't you think? Times are really so different now for kids and parents. It's all so wacky to me, I thought I'd reminisce about the way things used to be when I was a youngster.

Yes, "I was young once too", is another thing I hear myself saying. Argh!!

When we were little:

1. There were no "Play Dates". We just went to the neighbor's house to play for hours and our parents never ever checked on us. They must have figured, the less they knew, the better. Now, kids have scheduled playtime and it's written on a calendar (in my world of paper and pen, or on one of those new-fangled techno-devices people are using nowadays). We played well into the night, a game called "Manhunt" which today, sounds like something on the Nancy Grace show.

2. There were no SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms). Well, they were there, but they just weren't called that! The SAHMs from days of yore actually STAYED HOME, whereas the SAHMs of today are always gallivanting. Amen sisters.

3. To enrich our lives we played "school", "ice cream truck", Monopoly, Sorry, CandyLand, Yahtzee, Checkers, etc. In our house, we played "Step on Stomachs" to see who could endure the most pain. There was no Little Gym, no Mommy & Me Yoga class, no Baby Einstein DVDs (what the heck was a DVD, we didn't even have VCRs back then), no toddler piano and French lessons, and certainly no Gymboree.

4. Our mothers didn't obsess or stress over which diapers to use (most of them used cloth as it was before the invention of Pampers!), which formula to use, which car seats to buy (ha, lucky we all made it out alive!), there were no choices and no crash studies. There was no Babies R' Us. Just K-Mart, Ann & Hope, & Sears. There were no Binky holders, Baby Bjorns, travel systems, and wipe warmers.
We were bathed in a basin at the foot of our driveway (and if you don't believe me, I have a picture of my brother in one to prove it.)

5. Some of our mothers smoke and drank during pregnancy (not that I am condoning this!) and now, you can't even eat feta cheese or lunch meat while prego. Just merely pointing out one of the many differences in prenatal care.

6. Positive Reinforcement was not yet invented. Its evil sister, "The Secret Pinch" you got in public, was however, very much alive.

Somehow, my generation managed to produce some highly successful people. We did not suffer irreparable harm, only required a standard dose of psychotherapy here and there, and escaped with minimal scarring.

When I am struggling with a parenting dilemma, big or small, I ask myself just one question:
Will this decision adversely affect my child in 20 years? The answer is always a resounding "no" and always keeps me grounded in reality.

So truly, bathing a baby in the driveway is OK. Although, my brother might disagree!

Drooling, Wake Night with Hubby and other signs it's time to get out

As a partially SAHM (stay at home mom, yes, it's a stupid term!), and part-time worker, I, like many other moms out there don't have a lot of "alone" time with me, myself and I, or with my husband.

Below are some signs that it's time to get out, either with your spouse or just you, yourself, and you, for some fun or serious adult interaction:

1. While checking out at the local Cumberland Farms you strike up a 10 minute conversation with the cashier about the upcoming "Free Slushies on Fridays". You tell him how much you enjoy "Freebie Fridays" and he starts telling you that only one out of every 50 customers cleans up after themselves near the Slushy machine and he HATES "Freebie Fridays." You promise him you will not make a mess when you get your free slushy and you really hope his Friday is not so bad.

2. You start a blog, a Facebook Fan page, and numerous other non-sensical FB groups to amuse yourself.

3. You look forward to that annual gyno appointment just so you can be alone in the examining room twiddling your thumbs and drooling while you wait an hour for your ObGyn doc to appear. Paper robe is optional.

4. Perusing the card aisle at CVS is the most fun you've had in a while. Have you seen all those musical cards? They are a hoot!

5. Your "Date Night with Hubby" is actually "Wake Night with Hubby". This happens when you and your spouse haven't been out alone together, except for the unfortunate wake you must attend. Sadly, you enjoy Wake Night with Hubby.

Ok, I think it's time to call a babysitter now....