Rodney King and Mommy Dearest Offer Advice for the Mother Hood

Two of my favorite quotes as they relate to The Mother Hood:

"Can't we all just get along" (Rodney King)

"Why must everything be a contest?" (Mommy Dearest to her 7 yr old Christina)

It seems motherhood has become a competitive sport. Everywhere. Blogs, Tweets, Facebook, the playground, the grocery store, anywhere is game for the sport. According to one recent study, cyberbullying moms are especially running rampant and are dominating the blogosphere. After all, it's much safer to type a comment than it is to go face to face with a mother. And it's cowardly. But a lot of women are doing it. And someone, somewhere is reading this and judging me, to which I say, "pflggtthhh". And PS. I just read a posting from a popular mom blogger who actually stopped blogging because she couldn't stand the constant ridicule from other moms about her life. Ouch.

I actually hesitated in writing about this topic for fear of being judged by my fellow sisters/mothers. Trust me, this blog is more about questions, than answers. So judge all you want.

But why judge at all? Who are we competing with and why? Are we so insecure with ourselves and our choices that we feel vindicated when we judge others? Do we judge and gossip because that is what women "do"? Or are we just so bored with our lives that we have nothing else to discuss?

Did our mothers and grandmothers behave this way? Did they whisper behind each other's backs, "Did you hear Eunice saw Mabel in Woolworth's buying three housecoats? How dare she spend that kind of money on herself!" And, "I think Rose just got one of those new machines that dries your clothes. I guess she'll be too good for us now. Hmpfh!"

I'll admit, today's moms are faced with challenges and choices our fore mothers weren't. Should we work or stay home after the kids are born. Or maybe we just don't have a choice in the matter. We do what we have to or need to given our circumstances. Some moms who work full-time wish they could stay home. Some moms who stay home, wish they could work. I personally think the best gig is working part time and enjoying the best of both worlds. Our nanas were content staying home with the kids.....or were they? The point is, we really are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Someone will have a judgment about our decisions. Breast or bottle, disposable or cloth diapers, paper or plastic. In the end, no one gets an award for being Super Mom but I do believe if you are the best mom you can be, then the rewards will speak for themselves when you are long gone.

Would men behave this way if they were able to bear children? I really don't think so. Instead, they'd be bragging about who has the biggest belly bump and bra cup size and who hurled the most in the first trimester. And cut to the delivery room, "Hey man, did you SEE the size of that placenta?"

Obviously, I don't have any answers and I have a twisted view of pregnant men.

Perhaps this blog might make The Mother Hood a nicer place to play and share together like we're always teaching our kids.

Why must everything be a contest? Can't we all just get along?

Happy "Anyone Who's Mothered" Day

I am a mother and I have a great mother so one would think that I should be all gaga (not to be confused with the Lady) over May 9th. However, if you know anything about me from reading thus far in my blog, I have many views and opinions. A few deep thoughts are coming and they are not so funny this time around. (Just a little disclaimer in case you thought I was going to entertain you.)

I feel like holidays such as Mother's Day can be very cruel for those who:

a. Don't have a mother
b. Are not mothers and want to be
c. Long to be fathers
d. Have lost a child
e. Are missing a far away child.

The list goes on.

I suppose I might be more hypersensitive to this issue since it was quite a while before I actually became a mother. I remember my small, innocent nephew asking me once, "Auntie, why don't you like kids?" Ouch. He thought that because I didn't have kids, I didn't like kids.

The truth is that there are countless mothers out there "undercover". Many have never been pregnant and many are not even women. We've all "mothered" someone, somewhere in our lifetime. Whether it was in a college dorm, comforting a friend with a broken heart, far away from home. Or the teacher who nurtures a student who doesn't get much attention at home. Or the wonderful friends who treat your kids like their own (you know who you are). Or the sister who is a perpetual Godmother to your kids and loves your kids unconditionally. To the dads who are going it alone and acting in the roles of Mom and Dad. To the coworker who takes you under her wing and gives you that much needed motherly advice you won't take from your own mom. Or the sweet nurses who hold your hand in the delivery room telling you it will all be OK. And what about the thousands of people who adopt homeless animals and "mother" them to pieces?

They've all served as the role of "Mother" in some capacity and to me, they all "count" as mothers on Mother's Day. I don't want Mother's Day to be a day where someone feels excluded. Call me crazy but even my own mother thinks this holiday and many other "Hallmark" holidays should be extinct.

So, whether you are a mother in the technical sense of the word, or not, please celebrate all who have Mothered. The world has become a much better place thanks to all of you "Moms".

Happy Mother's Day to you all.